We may run away from our physical location, change residence, change our job, change our routine, but we can never change our inner being, our true self. After living in one location for 12 years, I moved to a different part of the town. I had lots of fond memories attached to the old town. The sweet and sour hustle and bustle of life. But I never wanted to go back to that place again. I left that old town five years ago and have never been there. Recently, I had to visit for some work and thought of driving by. Something deep down inside me was longing to go and see the place. As I drove along, I saw the trees were all grown, and the neighborhood appeared washed out. The creeks and lakes were the same. I took a picture from my window and stopped to talk to my old neighbor. I was nostalgic but not reluctant to feel the flood of emotions that I felt. I stood there, thoroughly enjoying those emotions, and smiled, thinking of how my kids learned to ride bikes with training wheels on that driveway.

My experience at that moment was not bad; it was the feeling of coming home. It still felt like home and reminded me of who I am and used to be. I then realized how displaced I have been since I last left the place. And I told myself, “I own this experience; I can still grow on this; I can still grow along with this. I do not have to run away from it”. At that moment, I decided to take all the memories with me and not leave them behind. I faced my fear head-on.

After that, I was reminded of my recent five years living away from my old town and the transformation I have been through. I was shocked with myself. I realized how strong, independent, and fearless I have become. I visualized my five-year younger self as a straightforward person who knew less about the world. I was just a happy person who believed in the purple sky if someone said so. I was a person who never drove on the freeways besides going to work and school. Everything I needed in my life was across the street from my neighborhood. And now, I drive three freeways after midnight on GPS after a long shift at work, and I am entirely comfortable. The mental strength and the willpower you gain when you come to the other side of fear are insurmountable.

However, it has been a slow process of healing, and I realized that I have been through the healing process in my journey as described by Rosa’s model of wholistic healing.

Katherine Rosa, in her Process Model of Wholistic Healing and Personal Transformation, describes four components of wholistic healing: (a) self-awareness, (b) deepening awareness, (c) appreciating meaning, and (d) personal transformation (Rosa, 2011).

From Rosa’s model, the first step in the healing process is developing self-awareness. Self-awareness is a process of self-reflection and knowing oneself. We must know what brings happiness or sadness, what values we hold, and what matters to us more. Once we know ourselves better, we can identify the problem and decrease the personal triggers. We can locate our poor coping habits like binge eating and lack of self-care. The second step is deepening awareness, which generally occurs over time. This involves the analysis of existing problems or fears. It is also the understanding of the adverse effects or consequences that could occur if we do not take action. We test new approaches or new behaviors during the phase of deepening awareness. We recognize the need to change the strategy during this process of trial and error. Appreciating meaning is the third step in the healing process. Rosa describes this as an “aha” moment when we discover what hinders our growth and develop the insight. We then find out what works for us or create positive lifestyle modifications for our growth. We start appreciating the challenges along the way and take them as opportunities to learn and grow to better ourselves.

Lastly, transformation begins as we integrate the experience by owning the problem, deepening our connection with the self, and moving towards personal growth and healing. We seek support from family and friends in a new way and increase connectedness to the environment. We start creating a purposeful, mutually interactive climate of love and care.

Rosa describes the healing process among persons with chronic skin wounds: “Participants’ ability to move through the healing process was influenced by their ability to appreciate the influence of their past on their present and to commit to new actions to transform their future.” (P 357, Rosa, 2006). In a similar context, as I faced my fear, I could see myself appreciating the influences of my past experiences, how those experiences gave me a sense of belonging in my present and the strength to transform my future. The first two phases of the healing process of self-awareness and deepening awareness were the most prolonged phases, where I experienced multiple setbacks, trials, and errors of surviving and learning as I went along. It took me four years, including countless self-reflections and mental strength, to overcome those trials and tribulations. Retrospectively, I realized that deepening awareness is the most complex and extended phase because it is associated with multiple factors in our lives. It includes our upbringing, education, values, role in the family, place in society, and how we view the world. Our feelings of self-fulfillment, happiness, sadness, anger, and guilt are all based on our perspectives. After we overcome this period and gained the insight, appreciating the meaning and transformation follows quickly. This changes our perspectives and how we view ourselves and the world. I am now on my self-improvement journey, trying to work towards my goals. I am constantly learning and growing. The healing process has filled me with gratitude and positivity to the point that I might sound too perfectionist sometimes to people around me. I feel whole and in tune with myself. I have finally found myself.

I thank Dr. Katherine C. Rosa for shedding light on the process of wholistic healing and personal transformation. Her model is a valuable resource in nursing science and other disciplines. 

References

Rosa, K.C. (2006). A process model of wholistic healing and personal transformation in persons with chronic skin wounds. Nursing Science Quarterly, 19(4), 349-358. DOI: 10.1177/0894318406292829

Rosa, K.C. (2011). The process for healing transformations. A model for holistic practice. Journal of Holistic Nursing, 29(4), 292-301. DOI: 10.1177/0898010111399152