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Image: Corbis Photography | Veer
Are you a new nurse? Do you find yourself bewildered by doctor-speak? Don’t panic! Auntie Agatha has your translation guide right here.
Physician: “This will feel like a pinch.”
Translation: “This will feel like I’m shooting you with a small-caliber handgun in slow motion.”
Physician: “The patient presents with an interesting medical history…”
Translation: ”Way too much to go into here; check out the previous doctor’s dictation.”
Physician: “….With certain factitious elements.”
Translation: “Munchausen.”
Physician: “The patient is an extremely pleasant middle-aged man.”
Translation: ”The patient talks a lot.”
Physician: “The patient has a good fund of general knowledge”
Translation: ”She reads more than I do.”
Physician: “Every four hours around the clock.”
Translation: ”This person won’t take pain medicine and needs to be encouraged to do so.”
Physician: “Emphasize proper follow-up care.”
Translation: ”This person came to see me four years ago and I haven’t seen her since.”
Physician: “There will be moderate discomfort.”
Translation: ”This procedure will hurt like blazes.”
Physician: “Patient states…”
Translation: ”I can’t possibly do justice to what he just said.”
Physician: “Walk TID with Nursing.”
Translation: ”Good luck getting her out of bed.”
Physician: “Nursing to provide education on…”
Translation: ”Good God, I’m pressed for time.”
Physician: “Proper diet and exercise regimen was encouraged.”
Translation: ”Please, Nursing, go over the ADA diet again. Thanks.”
Physician: “The patient prevents with sociopathic elephants and compliance of derriere spoonerisms.”
Translation: ”This was the transcriptionist’s first day on the job.”
This post originally appeared in The Head Nurse blog.
