This past week I attended the funeral of a dear friend and nursing colleague, and I participated in an honour guard as the nursing leader, wife, mother, daughter etc. was truly an exceptional individual. It was a full two days with the travel from the Toronto area over 4.5 hours by vehicle, visitation, the funeral mass, the cemetery service for internment and then the wake where laughs emerged more readily. The salute was grand and memorable and a small group of us capped off that day with a delicious dinner and conversation themes ranging from poignant to hilarious, and we truly enjoyed ourselves as we shared time, fellowship and humour.

My father also passed this week after a lengthy and courageous battle with kidney failure and a horrible case of shingles that knocked his immune system into oblivion. He had a veritable shopping list of morbidities but he maintained his cognitive sharpness, his dry sense of humour, and personified grit under pressure and a pragmatism that could only be compared to heroic.

My dear Dad was 86 years old when he left us, after escalating modalities of treatment from peritoneal dialysis to hemodialysis three times per week, to daily treatments. It was not easy to watch this intensely independent man become progressively weaker, frail, and unable to engage in simple pleasures i.e., puttering in the garden, driving a short distance to check his lotto tickets, or pick up some groceries.

I am indebted to my Dad as he cared for me during some rough periods with my own health and I owe him a lot for moving us to Canada so my brother and I would have a better life. He delivered on that objective, keeping a job (he really did not like), survived mortgage interest rates of 15%, and stared at the ceiling many a night wondering how would he pay for the house, and with overtime and projects picked up for work he did pay off the mortgage.

The most amazing role he had was as Popa to his two grandsons, encouraging, loving, role modeling, teaching, changed diapers (he was glad toilet training was successful), and provided care when their parents were working shifts. My Dad’s charm was honesty, kindness, playfulness, and engaged with everything in the neighbourhood, community, and world events. He whistled when a project was going well and muttered when instructions were convoluted, like a lot of men he read the directions as a last ditch effort. He was funny, naughty, annoying, loving, generous, and based on the outpouring of messages from family and friends this is but a tip of the iceberg.

His primary doctor at the hospital related she loved how he would carefully think through any new information and he proved to be a wizard when he learned peritoneal dialysis. Though we knew he was reaching an inevitable point it is still a shock when your parent, friend, champion dies. Dad was quite clear on not having a religious ceremony, arrangements were made ahead of time and after this weekend a task will be to pick up his cremated remains and start the long list of tasks to transition someone from living to dead. The grieving process is not a finite one, I will miss my dear friend and my dear Dad and my life is better and when the sadness eases the love will remain, and that is a most excellent legacy to leave behind. Details for his Celebration of Life will be forthcoming. Namaste.

Categories: Uncategorized

Paula M

Registered Nurse Storyteller, Healer, Scribe, Transformational Leader